I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
