Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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