the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
