We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
