he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
