Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
