At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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