I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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