i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
