I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
