Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
