WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
