Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
