She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
organizing the empties. That sober.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
