I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
