Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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