i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
