did you get engaged???
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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