so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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