We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
