dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
