His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize