You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
