remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
