dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
