So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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