Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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