I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
