Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
