I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
