his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
