i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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