someone get that fucking seahorse.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
