my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
