I bet he comes in French.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
