I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
