Do you still have your period?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
