Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
