I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
