Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
