Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
