She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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