I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
