DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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