i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
