yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i already hear my dad disowning me
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
