so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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