I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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