You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
pop tarts are not kleenex
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
