You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
