All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
