Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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