I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
