hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
