Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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