no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I did not marry a roomba.
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