yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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