I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
