So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
