i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Is it because I queefed?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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