Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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