Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
