he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
