Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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