Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
