i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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