I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
