I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I look excited, but its just a facade.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
