I wanna passion pit in your ass
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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