Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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