so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
