She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Terrible idea I love it
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
