I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I intend to get homeless drunk
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
