Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
