I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
